yup

I sit here, 15 minutes before I meeting I'm growing to hate leading. My future is shaky. My fitness level is awful. My spending level is high.

However I have to say that I've been feeling pretty good. The work thing is a big question mark, but its not bothering me. I will survive (gag!!!). I haven't been able to synch up riding this year, and that does suck, but whatcha gonna do? I've been doing a bit more stuff and I'm enjoying it.

I'm trying to teach myself that I just can't do everything I want to, no one can. I'm also realizing I'd like to enjoy my daughter at this age. Soon enough she's not gonna give a rats patootee about me. I have hobbies enough to keep me busy well past death, but that's not really going to satisfy me. Teaching myself to relax and enjoy the moment really seems to be working for me right now. I'm not there yet, but progress has been made.

There are so many responsibilites every day, and so many things you can do nothing about (how's *your* 401k?). And these things really don't matter that much.

You know what? I may take some time off do work in the darkroom. That's what I need to do.